By Alex Nunez on December 19, 2011 in
I remember when I first saw Air Swimmers in action. It was back in February at the Toy Fair in New York. Guys in scuba suits stood on the floor, wirelessly steering the oversized, majestic-looking flying shark and clownfish through the air, to the delight of everyone. Dazzled, I wrote that I wanted one, and because expense accounts are wonderful things, I (finally) bought one on the company dime last month. Whether you should do so with your own hard-earned cash is another matter entirely.
Bring money
At Toy Fair, the advertised MSRP for Air Swimmers was $39.99, and throughout the spring and summer, we tried to get one for the office, but they were never available. This fall, it became clear why. Air Swimmers were snapped up as a Toys "R" Us (TRU) exclusive for the 2011 holiday season, with Animal Planet branding to boot. The result is that when TRU finally started hawking them, the MSRP had jumped to $49.99, not including the additional 10 bucks you need to pony up for the required tank of helium. So you're looking at 60 bucks total. For what is, at its essence, a mylar balloon. If your spider sense isn't tingling yet, you're not paying attention.
Annoying to build
When you open the box and empty the contents, you'll find a pile of parts -- fins, a motor/fan (for the tail), a remote, a sheet of adhesives, a motorized belly pod and track, putty (for ballast), a ribbon, and an assortment of other little plastic bits and rubber bands. Quality is chintzy at best. The high point: Batteries are included. The only required tool is a screwdriver (to install the batteries). And naturally, you'll need your $10 tank of helium.
The Air Swimmer instructions recommend you bring a friend. Supposedly, doing so will make it easier. I ignored that advice and promptly found myself staring at a giant shark balloon that was pinned against our conference room's peaked ceiling. (I had muffed my first attempt to tie it down after inflating it.) Resisting the urge to stab the Air Swimmer with my Swiss Army knife and call it a day, I climbed onto the table and was able to grab it. (Note: This is why the Air Swimmer is an indoor-only toy. Imagine doing this outside and watching $50 soar into the atmosphere.) At that point, another editor showed up and held the balloon steady as I attached the various fins and accessories.
Of course, that's no picnic, either.
The included adhesive strips are super-thin and ultra-sticky. The ones needed to attach the belly pod and track immediately folded on themselves, causing me to say things I cannot write here. I eventually unfolded them, but they tore, leaving the strips less than 100%. This would haunt me later.
The belly pod has a weighted ballast (you insert putty in it to fine-tune it) that runs along the bottom of Air Swimmer on a track, via the wireless remote. Proper placement is critical to give the fish proper balance while airborne (there are marks to follow, based on your elevation in relation to sea level). Your tape strips (now damaged, in all likelihood) attach to small tabs on the back, as well as the shark's underside. When you attach it, you need to be careful to route the power wire that runs to the tail-mounted electric motor so that it doesn't foul the moving ballast. This seems very straightforward until you realize that you have, in fact, blocked the track and now have to futz with the tape, which you already compromised partially when you pulled it off the sheet. It is at this point that I wondered why, at $50, the Air Swimmers box did not also contain a bottle of scotch.
After unfouling the power cord, we finished taping the Air Swimmer's fins on, mounted the motor, and powered it up. Unlike the soaring demo fish I saw at Toy Fair, ours flew as if it had fallen victim to a spear fisherman. Within minutes, the belly pod had partially popped off, too. We repositioned the pod and reattached it using plain old packing tape. This was excellent for securing the pod, but the shark still flailed more than it actually flew. We took turns trying to make him fly, got fed up, and parked him in an empty cubicle, where he has sat, unused, ever since. Imagine this same chain of events, only in your house once your kids experience this disappointment firsthand.
My two cents
Speaking as a parent, this is about as crummy as a gift I can imagine giving, for a few reasons.
- It's a ripoff. $60 for this thing (including the helium) is just disgusting.
- It's not easy to build. Listen, you want no part of this on Christmas morning. That goes double if you try to pre-assemble it late at night Christmas Eve for a "better" surprise. Also, the person you recruit to help you build it will probably wish misery and pestilence upon you. Which is not so Christmas-y.
- It's a pain after you build it. Unless it miraculously works as advertised the first time out (after which you should immediately buy a lottery ticket), you will be stuck tweaking and tuning the assembly after the fact. If it's Christmas Day, add disappointed/impatient children to this scenario.
- Your kids will tire of it (even if it works). Because they tire of everything. And then you'll be the sucker who's stuck looking at a giant stupid remote-control mylar balloon, which barely works, that you dumped 60 bucks on.
Verdict
Avoid Air Swimmers at all costs. It's a sucker's bet. These toys are egregiously expensive, require too much effort to assemble and use, and provide little to no satisfaction in return. For $60, you can buy a terrific and memorable gift; this is not it. And if you already bought one? Hey, you still have a week to return it and get something much better. You might even spend less, to boot.