Online Dating

Best dating sites for serious singles

If you're serious about finding a long-term relationship, eHarmony.com (*est. $60 per month) is a more expensive dating service than most, but reviews say its lengthy interview process helps weed out more casual users. eHarmony uses an exhaustive 500-item personality questionnaire that helps match compatible people. If the questionnaire identifies you as "emotionally unhealthy," you won't be offered membership at all. This aspect is the source of allegations from individuals and other online dating sites that eHarmony rejects people for ill-defined reasons. eHarmony does not extend membership to gay individuals, again putting it in the crosshairs of civil rights advocates. While these issues are unresolved and unsettling to some, there's no denying that eHarmony pioneered the idea of a lengthy interview process, followed by computer-assisted matching. There's no browsing on the eHarmony website.

The initial eHarmony questionnaire can take an hour or more to complete, and those not looking for a serious relationship are discouraged from applying at all. When you've completed the questions, you get a personality profile and receive compatible matches based on the information you've provided. Many users have said they have gotten 30 to 100 matches. Although it's free to take the personality test and receive a list of matches, you must subscribe to the service to contact others.

eHarmony's online dating service takes a similar approach to communications between members: members are encouraged to use a four-step process to initiate contact, in which each person has the right to end the communication at any point. The structured format and controlled interaction is designed to help potential mates learn more about each other over time. Although it has its detractors, many people are happy with eHarmony's approach. PC Magazine's Carol A. Mangis writes, "You pay more for this approach than for any other service we reviewed. But if you are burned out on mismatches, it may be worth the extra effort and money."

Chemistry.com (*est. $50 per month) , a competing dating site and an offshoot of the giant Match.com service, is capitalizing on eHarmony's strict policies and legal troubles in recent advertisements. According to Chemistry.com, eHarmony has rejected over a million people for a wide variety of reasons that have nothing to do with sexual orientation. Chemistry.com tries to counter eHarmony with its slogan, "Come as you are."

Chemistry.com virtually copies the eHarmony process, with a detailed personality test and no searching allowed -- you wait for the computer to send you possible matches. Chemistry.com has a biological anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher, behind the scenes. She is the online dating site's "scientific advisor" and she created the lengthy personality test based on her decades of experience in studying the "science of human attraction." Like eHarmony, Chemistry.com starts with a comprehensive questionnaire designed to find out who you are and what you are looking for in a partner. Your first five matches are free, but you must subscribe to the service before you have full access to all the features of the site. Like eHarmony, Chemistry.com also guides users through a multi-step communication process.

Bonny Albo of About.com writes that Chemistry.com is "an unusual and highly entertaining dating site for those interested in compatibility matching." One male user at Online Dating Magazine explains that the matches he got did not meet his specified criteria or were inactive profiles from Match.com. But if personality-test matching appeals to you, Chemistry.com costs less than eHarmony, and (at least right now) isn't under the kind of discrimination scrutiny currently tailing eHarmony.

PerfectMatch.com (*est. $40 per month) is a popular dating site, partly because their public relations department has done a good job of getting it featured in movies like "Must Love Dogs," "Failure to Launch" and "Superman Returns." It also received a plug on the Dr. Phil Show. PerfectMatch claims not to be an online dating service. It considers itself a matching service for people interested in long-term relationships and marriage. As with eHarmony, you can register for free and take the Duet Compatibility Test designed to discover who you are and what you are looking for in a relationship.

Unlike eHarmony and Chemistry.com, PerfectMatch.com does let you browse profiles of other users, but not until you've taken the compatibility test. There are four other sections in the sign-up process besides the compatibility test: "Deal Breakers" allows you to state exactly what you are looking for in a mate. "About Me" discusses your physical appearance. "Background Value" discusses your likes and dislikes, and the "Personal Statement" allows you to describe yourself in your own words. Profile questions are based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, a popular personality test used in psychology.

With PerfectMatch.com, once you have signed up and see someone you are interested in, you can make initial contact with an "ice-breaker" question. To correspond with people via e-mail, online chat or instant messaging, you need to become a paid member. PerfectMatch.com is one of the most expensive relationship services on the Internet, probably intended to discourage casual use. Reviews indicate it is a good choice for those looking for a long-term relationship who may be put off by the more rigid communication process of eHarmony. But many users on eDateReview.com complain that they didn't get any responses to their ice-breaker question and concluded that many of the members on PerfectMatch.com aren't active. A few users were matched with people who lived in a different state or on another continent.

Full-featured online dating services

With over 15 million profiles, Match.com (*est. $30 per month) is the largest, most popular online dating site in existence, and it is often identified as one of the best online dating sites in reviews. The Match.com website is colorful and has tasteful graphics and an easy interface; it receives good reviews from both experts and users alike. Match.com has more features than most dating services. It helps you to create your profile with several multiple-choice questions, and offers advice on what makes a good profile. Match.com also offers advice on the best way to write an initial e-mail. In addition to basic profiles, users can also set up a video profile or voice greeting. Other features include video e-mails, instant messaging and the ability to make anonymous phone calls. You can talk to other Match.com members without giving out your own phone number.

In reviews, critics are impressed with Match.com's search features. Match.com is the only online dating service that provides keyword searches. If you are looking for someone who likes square dancing (for example), Match.com will turn up profiles of those who also like to square dance. Match.com's dating service also has a two-way matching system that locates members who meet your criteria; it then narrows this list by checking your profile for common interests and preferences. Match.com also has fun personality quizzes so you can learn more about yourself. Like most online dating services, you can browse and search for free, but if you want to read a complete profile you have to register. When you are ready to actually contact someone, then you have to become a member; Match.com subscriptions are offered for one, three, six or 12 months. Match.com has three different profile options. You can breeze through the basic profile, but you can also choose to complete more detailed physical and personality profiles.

In early 2006 Dr. Phil McGraw partnered with Match.com. The MindFindBind Program with Dr. Phil offers online workshops, insights and strategies, action plans, educational activities and a private online journal. You can listen to audio or watch a video of Dr. Phil offering dating and relationship advice. Dr. Phil isn't a free bonus, however -- he costs an extra $9 per month.

Lavalife.com (*est. $30 per month) is PC Magazine's choice for the best online dating service. Experts like Lavalife's fun approach, as opposed to eHarmony and PerfectMatch.com's serious attitude. Lavalife divides itself into three sub-sites, depending on your main interest: dating, relationships or intimate encounters. You can browse and search through all three areas, but you have to create a separate profile for each of these three divisions. With Lavalife, you can connect with singles through instant messaging, online chat, e-mails and "smiles" (which indicate interest). It costs nothing to respond to e-mails, smiles and instant messages from other dating service members, but to initiate contact, you have to be a paid member. Photos and video clips can be made public for everyone to see, or private and only available for viewing by permission.

Another online dating site that deserves mention is True.com (*est. $50 per month). What sets this company apart is that it is one of the first dating sites that performed criminal and marital background checks on all its members. The founder, Herbert Vest, has launched a campaign in several states to make new laws that mandate that all online dating services do background checks. True.com attempts to give its members some peace of mind when they enter the dating arena.

However, even True.com can't thwart every creep. In a February 16, 2006 article in the New York Post, Angela Montefinise reports that two registered sex offenders had posted profiles on Match.com, and had been discovered and booted off. One of the two criminals also made it onto True.com; the company said this man made it through the background check because the state where he committed the crime wouldn't release records to commercial businesses. True.com admits that it can't catch everybody, but it does prosecute any felons and report them to the parole board. Married people also aren't allowed on True.com -- the site will search marriage records and deny membership.

True.com isn't as serious as eHarmony, nor as full featured as Match.com. You have to register and take the 100-question test before you can search the profiles for free. To contact people and use additional features, you have to be a paid member. You can also add video and audio clips to your profile. True.com is pricier than Match.com, but you're paying for the background checks.

Despite True.com's assertion that it is a serious, security-minded online dating service, it has been heavily criticized for its recent ad campaigns which picture scantily clad buxom women, thereby emphasizing intimate encounters instead of relationships.

These provocative ads have made True.com one of the most-visited online dating sites. But many subscribers are unhappy with the service. Online Dating Magazine states that it receives far more complaints about True.com than about any other dating site. One reason is the false "winks" (indicating interest) that some members are getting. These winks seem to appear after the member has requested cancellation of the subscription. Like eHarmony, True.com is now facing lawsuits. In June 2007 a man filed a lawsuit in Texas accusing the site of fraudulent billing practices. The law firm representing the case is seeking class action status. The plaintiff asserts that True.com continues to bill members after they have cancelled their accounts.

True.com's push for mandatory background checks has also raised the ire of some in the industry. Yahoo! Personals and Match.com have lobbied against legislature to require all dating sites to do background checks. They feel that such a policy is not very effective and that such background checks also give a false sense of security to people, which might reduce the precautions they take when meeting someone online.

Specialized dating sites

Niche online dating websites are a good option for those with specific criteria, catering to specific groups based on religion, sexual orientation, ethnicity or hobbies. These specialized sites are gaining ground as people realize that bigger dating sites aren't always better. At the same time, the big general dating sites like Match.com and Yahoo! Personals are growing at a much slower pace, according to reports.

There are now hundreds of niche sites and the categories are endless. Some niche sites worth investigating are JDate.com for Jewish singles and MuslimDating.net for Muslims. For Christian dating, there's ChristianSingles.com. Seniors can try SeniorFinder.com, and African-Americans can check out BlackPlanet.com. Those interested in interracial dating have InterracialRomance.com. Gay men and women can try Gay.com . For plus-size singles and their admirers, there is LargeFriends.com. Those with chronic diseases can try Prescription4Love.com. There is also AgeMatch.com for intergenerational dating. Another category that is growing is dating sites for wealthy people. WealthyMen.com is for men who make over $100K a year and the women who want to meet them. All subscribers have their incomes, professions and photographs verified.

For hobbyists, there is a site for bikers (BikerKiss.com) and pet lovers (LoveMeLoveMyPets.com). Science fiction fans have TrekPassions.com. There are sites for single parents (SoloParentMatch.com) and for people with disabilities (Whispers4u.com). For the politically inclined, Republicans can try ConservativeMatch.com, and there's LiberalHearts.com for the other side of the political fence. Adulterers have their own site (AshleyMadison.com), which has signed up over a million members.

A new niche category is matchmaking sites. At Engage.com, after creating a profile, users can be either the "dater" and/or the "matchmaker." What distinguishes Engage.com from other sites is that it uses its members to set up others on dates. Users can search the profiles looking for matches for themselves or for friends or family. This site is not only for singles but for those in a relationship who want to play matchmaker. People who aren't members can also be suggested for a date. Engage.com is currently offering a free six-month trial membership, although it plans to start charging a monthly fee in the future. Matchmakers will always have a free membership. A similar site is GreatBoyfriends.com, that allows friends to post profiles of eligible men and women. You can't create your own profile, but you can ask a friend to do so on your behalf. One of the advantages of this site is that everyone on it has been vouched for by a friend.

Once you've got some experience with online dating, there is also a site for you to rate your date. TrueDater.com (www.truedater.com) is a free site that allows people to write and read reviews about members of online dating services. Singles are rated by those who have dated them. Reviews of those with profiles on Yahoo! Personals, Match.com and MySpace.com are available. You can also write a review if someone didn't match the information in his or her profile. Research shows that many people lie on their profiles. eDateReview.com writes that men mostly lie about being single and women lie about their looks. On a monthly basis, Match.com removes about 2,000 profiles from its database because of complaints from members about dishonesty. TrueDater is a watchlist for the dating world.

Free dating services

There are also many free online dating sites. These sites do not require a membership fee or subscription to contact other singles. Unfortunately, these dating sites are not reviewed as much as the better-publicized online dating services. These free dating sites offer many of the same features found at the major online dating sites. The main concern with free sites is that they have very few members compared to the millions at Match.com and others, but free online dating services such as PlentyofFish.com, BookofMatches.com, DatingHall.com and ConnectingSingles.com are gaining in popularity by word of mouth.

About.com's Guide to Dating, Bonny Albo, is the only major reviewer to evaluate these free online dating services. Her top choice is OkCupid.com, with PlentyofFish.com the runner-up -- this site launched in 2003 and has over a million members. Plenty of Fish has many of the same features found at the major online dating sites, but it also has some unique features as well. Plenty of Fish has a member forum and allows members to rate others on a scale ranging from "fish again" to "good catch." According to eDateReview.com, Plenty of Fish has grown by word of mouth only because there is no budget for marketing.

MySpace.com has grown by leaps and bounds in the past few years and now has an incredible 192 million users. While it is not a dating site per se, people can meet on MySpace, and many use it as a networking and dating portal. The site is free, and anyone over the age of 14 can join. The site is very popular with teenagers because of the music downloads and games. Each user can have his or her own page on which to post a blog or place a profile. You can list your likes and dislikes, upload photos and ask your friends to join. It is a social networking group, like Friendster but much larger. You can correspond with people via e-mail, online chat, instant messaging and discussion groups. You can also invite people to either private or public events that happen in the real world.

MySpace.com is not without its detractors. In its Terms of Use, MySpace informs members that by joining the site they grant MySpace the license to use, copy and distribute any content they place on the public areas of the site. MySpace will have nonexclusive rights to your original works and will not compensate you in any way. User reviews on Amazon.com are mixed. Some love it and think it is a great place to have fun and hang out, while others complain about the spam in their e-mail in boxes and the unending advertising on the site.

Important Features: Online dating services

The following is what experts say you should look for when considering an online dating service:

• Check the privacy policy. Make sure the site won't sell your name or e-mail address to other companies.

• Survey the sites you're considering for people in your area. Most sites let you search for free, and you want to be sure the site has a larger membership of people who live near you.

• Look for features to help whittle down the list of possible matches.

• Take advantage of free trial offers.

• Never use your real name as your user name, or your primary e-mail address in your profile.

• Be suspicious until convinced otherwise. Statistics show that those using online personals often lie or misrepresent themselves.

• Never meet any new potential date alone for the first time. At the very least, plan to meet in a well-populated area.

As with most Internet transactions, take steps to ensure your privacy and safety by using disposable e-mail addresses and not divulging personal information until you are confident in the recipient.

Our Consensus Report shows how many times products are top-ranked by reviewers included in our
All The Reviews Reviewed chart.

# of Picks	Online Dating Service
7	Match.com (*est. $30 per month)
6	Yahoo! Personals (*est. $25 per month)
4	eHarmony.com (*est. $60 per month)
4	PlentyofFish.com (free)
4	PerfectMatch.com (*est. $40 per month)
3	Chemistry.com (*est. $50 per month)
3	Lavalife.com (*est. $30 per month)
2 each	MySpace.com, FriendFinder.com
1 each	True.com, MyCountryMatch.com, Soulmatch.com, BookofMatches.com, Nerve.com, Gay.com , HurryDate.com, MeetUp.com, OkCupid.com, ConnectingSingles.com, MingleNow.com, Engage.com, EventMingle.com, American Singles.com, WebDate.com, MillionaireMatch.com, SinglesNet.com , GreatExpectations.com, SeniorCircle.com, Craigslist.org, JDate.com

Match.com and Yahoo! Personals are the top picks in reviews. But Yahoo! Personals' features and pricing fail to set it apart from others and we also found more spam complaints about it, preventing us from naming it as a ConsumerSearch Fast Answer. eHarmony.com, PlentyofFish.com and PerfectMatch.com are also popular in reviews. Chemistry.com offers the same structured approach to dating as eHarmony, but is not as restrictive or controversial (at least right now).

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