The 30 Most Absurd Consumer Products You Can Actually Buy
There are inventions that improve life - automobiles, smartphones, single-cup coffee makers - and then there are inventions that are utterly absurd.
Here are 30 of the most ridiculous products to actually make it onto the market. Be sure to keep this article on-hand next time you’re headed to a white elephant party or need a gag gift for any occasion.
Angry Mama Microwave Cleaner
Ever wonder why mama is so angry? Could it be because the microwave is dirty? The Angry Mama Microwave Cleaner gives mama a safe (and productive) outlet for her anger—the filthy microwave.
Nicolas Cage Flip Sequin Throw Pillow
Flip sequins are all the rage and flip technology really is a mesmerizing experience, whatever your age. What better way to relax after a hard day than to snuggle up with the face of Hollywood star, Nicolas Cage?
Guys, stop leaving your beard clippings in the bathroom sink! The Beard King is a hair catching apron (aka grooming cape) that catches those pesky facial hair trimmings that fly all over, allowing for easy cleanup and disposal.
Bacon Floss and Bacon Breath Mints
Bacon is everything, so why wouldn’t you want bacon-flavored floss or bacon-flavored breath mints? Now you can have it with Archie McPhee’s Waxed Bacon Floss. After all, nothing says clean teeth like the taste of bacon in your mouth, right?
Pop-Up Pee Pad (for dogs)
The Pop-Up Pee Pad is guaranteed to hold at least four cups of fluid and the pop-up fire hydrant target appeals to a dog’s desire to pee on everything.
Boyfriend Body Pillow
Sleep lonely no more, single ladies! All you need is the Original Boyfriend Pillow, as seen on TV, for a better night’s sleep.
Cat Butt Tissue Holder
It’s the perfect gift, because who doesn’t want to wipe their face with something straight out of a cat’s behind? This molded resin cat goes on your table to conceal tissues. And if an orange tabby isn’t your preference, select its black and white tuxedo friend instead.
Slicing bananas can be dangerous work - one wrong move is all it takes to end up with an uneven wedge, a broken banana or a bloody finger. In the name of safety, put the knife down! Now you can safely slice bananas into bite-sized pieces with a single motion using the Banana Slicer.
Yodeling Pickle Ornament
Go ahead and label this one "unexpected." With this Yodeling Pickle Ornament on your tree, you’ll never have to endure the awkward silence at a holiday party again. The motion-activated pickle is sure to be a conversation starter!
If you’re looking for an all new party experience, the Chambong is your ticket. Who says champagne is just for sipping? These beautifully hand-blown-glass bongs will elevate the mood of any party by encouraging rapid consumption.
Man Beer Belly Fanny Pack
The beloved fanny pack of the 1990s has made a comeback, but this one is cringe-worthy in an amazing way. Hilarious? Maybe. But really, the Beer Belly Fanny Pack is just gross.
Say goodbye to boredom in the bathroom with the Potty Putter! As the saying goes, "practice makes perfect." Now you can brush up on your golf skills literally anywhere - with the Potty Putter, no moment is wasted.
Here’s one for the ladies (or gents!). The PortoVino City Wine Tote allows you to discreetly hold and pour wine so you’ll always have wine on hand, whenever, wherever. The roomy purse is stylish and functional. Use it to tote your belongings, with or without wine!
Have you ever stopped to consider just how disgusting your cell phone gets? It’s likely crawling with bacteria—a literal petri dish you’re carrying around in your pocket or purse. But now, for less than $100, you can charge and sanitize your phone with the PhoneSoap 3 UV Cell Phone Sanitizer and Dual Universal Cell Phone Charger.
Talking Toilet Paper Spindle
Talk about catching your houseguests off guard! Turn an ordinary trip to the bathroom into an unexpected surprise with the Talking Toilet Paper Spindle. Record a message or music clip (up to six seconds in length) on the spindle to be played every time the toilet paper turns.
Unicorn Squirrel Feeder
Who thinks of these things? Turn squirrels into magical, mystical creatures with the Unicorn Squirrel Feeder. Simply fill the vinyl unicorn head with seeds and peanut butter. When the fuzzy-tailed creature’s running, have your camera ready!
Now, the only thing missing from Taco Tuesday is TriceraTACO, the ultimate prehistoric taco stand. Turn your basic tacos into the Jurassic variety. The adorable, albeit impractical, Triceratops mealtime accessory holds two tacos on its back and promises to make dinner fun for all ages.
The Bobcat Mullet
Turn the clocks back to the 1970s with the Bobcat Mullet. It’s "business in the front, party in the back" anytime, without the long-term commitment that scissors bring. If you don’t want to grow your own - or your wife or employer won’t allow it - the Bobcat Mullet is the fashion wig you never knew you needed.
For all your friends who are preppers, survivalists or just into camping and hiking this is a "must have" gift.
Laptop Steering Wheel Desk
The average American spends roughly 8.5 hours in their car every week, so we could all use one. Still, the Laptop Wheel Desk makes the list of "worst inventions," on the basis of safety alone… it only makes us want it more. It goes without saying that it should never be used while the vehicle is in motion.
The Portable Campfire gets some great reviews from people who must be pretty hard up for a real campfire. At just the size of a cookie tin, it’s quite compact. Selling points include it being reusable—just add wax—and easy to extinguish.
Admit it: At one time or another, you’ve wished for an extra hand when you were trying to juggle something. Now you can do one better. Actually, make that an extra five hands more!
Whether you’re a Star Wars fan or not, these chopsticks are too much fun to ignore. Impress your friends, take sushi night to another galaxy and wage colorful wars with your sushi and noodles with these BPA-free, LED lightsaber chopsticks.
Walking Sleeping Bag
There is no lack of imaginative use for this Wearable Sleeping Bag. If you forget your spare set of clothes while camping, you can just wear your sleeping bag home. Or stay warm when you have to make a middle-of-the-night trip to the restroom.
Plant Pencil Holder Lamp
No green thumb required for this houseplant! In fact, it doesn’t even need sunlight, because this one-of-a-kind potted plant puts out plenty of "natural" light of its own. That’s because it’s an LED touch lamp with a flexible neck.
Dust Mop Slippers
Mop slippers are the hilariously efficient time-saving device you never knew you needed. This four-pack of microfiber dust mop slippers by FEATHERHEAD is made of soft chenille material, these slippers are stretchy enough to fit most shoe sizes.
Tree Twig Toothbrush
If natural products are your jam, this is the most organic toothbrush money can buy. Made from the Arak tree and grown in chemical-free soil, this Miswak Club Teeth Whitening Kit with twig toothbrush gives you the true caveman experience. It comes with a money back guarantee that you’ll notice whiter, brighter teeth in 30 days or less, so you can’t go wrong by trying it.
Feed the Dog Reminder
Life often gets so busy that, before you know it, you’ve skipped a meal. Make sure you never have to worry about the need to feed the most important member of the family with Did You Feed the Dog?. Your good boy will never go hungry again.
Toilet Bowl Light
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night can be a daunting task. Get out of bed, walk to the bathroom, turn on the light and try not to miss the toilet. Skip any one of those steps and you could have a real mess on your hands - literally.